HOW I GOT MY MOJO BACK FOR BLOGGING

Sometime last year I remember reading the Million Dollar Blog. It was such an amazing book with some really good points as well as the much needed inspiration. By the time I had finished the book I had a mental and detailed strategy of how I was going to take the blogging world by storm.

Then life happened...

Those of you that follow my youtube channel already know I had been dealing with a major outbreak of eczema which had literally taken over my whole body. It has been such a battle, with periods where the skin was so sore and inflamed I could barely shower and periods more recently where it has got better and is barely noticeable unless my skin is very dry or I point it out. You can watch the full story here.

The thing is, when I was really going through it, it was literally so difficult for me to function from day to day. My body had changed, my skin was a mess and I was losing my hair. I didn’t want anyone to see me in the state I was in; hence the long absence from all of my social media outlets.

Well seeing as I’m back, I must be better right?

Not quite. The eczema is nowhere near how it was when it was at its worst. As dramatic as it sounds there were days when I felt suicidal because the discomfort, pain and soreness were completely unbearable. I just wanted it to stop.

Far beyond what I had imagined, I would look in the mirror and cry because I couldn’t recognise myself and I couldn’t understand what or why this was happening. It wasn’t just my skin. I had lost incredible amounts of weight and my hair wasn’t growing back. In fact it was balding in areas and looked very dry and patchy. What made this even more difficult to understand was because it seemed like the moment I started eating healthier and making better lifestyle choices in terms of skincare and haircare, my body lost the plot. After the mammoth research I have done over the past few months, I realise that what is happening to my body is probably a combination of detoxing, surroundings and just learning what my body likes and doesn’t like on my new diet and lifestyle.

"I remember thinking to myself at

first that I had to be the worst poster girl

for healthy, organic eating,"

Everyone had seen me on my youtube channel make this transition and then I became ‘sick’. I just didn’t want to do it anymore. I didn’t look the part anymore. Glowing skin. Beautiful natural hair. What did I have that would attract people to me now?

Then after a while it dawned on me...I have a story.

I might not fit the ‘image’ I had in my head anymore or have that seemingly perfect life that every mainstream blogger seems to portray, but I feel that this experience has changed me so much – I am

no longer just a blogger trying to make a million bucks. I’m just a person, with a keyboard and a voice that someone somewhere will be able to relate to.

I started to recollect my thoughts, my visions and goals and realised, just because things aren’t working out for me right now doesn’t give me a reason to give up. This is why I feel social media can be so detrimental for people on the outside because nobody is willing to show the ugly. What goes on behind the camera. The struggles, the disappointments and the downright depression.

Not only that but I started to invest in myself. I finally sorted out a beautiful easy to wear wig which completely eliminated the self consciousness I felt because of my hair loss. I also started to wear make-up a little more often. Not because I needed it but just to give me that feel good factor and allow me to walk the street with confidence. 

I had been hidden away in my house for so long. 

If I’m going to relate to people I have to be willing to show the bad times as well as the good, so when my readers go through something or anything similar they have something or someone rather they can relate to.

I would rather have ten followers on my blog and my channel that I can have a meaningful community with than just 100,000 numbers on a page with hardly any engagement.

So under the new PR, these are my new blog rules to make sure I never give up or even think about giving up again:

1.

From now onwards, I’m going to stop looking at the numbers, the algorithms and the politics of blogging and just focus on the bigger picture. The reality is, it’s all good having the numbers behind you but it would all mean nothing if people weren’t engaging with any of my content.

There are youtubers I’ve followed but don’t watch their videos anymore because they either stopped inspiring me or were no longer relatable. I want to give my followers a reason to keep coming back and not only to help them but also for them to help me! A lot of the advice I was given which enabled me to get better was given by women all over the world following my channel. Some of those comments made me cry with such an appreciation.

I want to touch people with the outlets I’ve been given the way they’ve touched me. I feel like blogging has become such a lucrative business that there’s hardly any real to it anymore. If I’m completely honest it’s really hard not to get caught with the tide and do what everyone else is doing but I’m going to do my best to do ME as there’s no point being a double of someone else

2.

I’m going to take each day as it comes. I’m going to plan and give my best to my channel and blog from now on but if there’s a day that doesn’t work out how I planned, I’m just going to work with it and keep going. Before, I would get so stressed if I missed a video or didn’t put up a blog on time.

It’s so easy for the blogosphere to become a competition, not just among other bloggers but with even yourself! I started blogging because as a creative, I just needed an outlet so I didn’t get bored out of my skull whilst on maternity leave. I genuinely enjoy doing this. My writing, planning shoots and outfits as well as researching to write reviews – I love it all. It would be a shame to lose the desire to do any of it because I’ve killed it by being too hard on myself.

3.

The last thing I’m going to do is allow myself to be emotional. I remember when my skin was at its worst, I put a brave face on for everyone and got on with it all whilst I was ebbing away inside.

I didn’t allow myself to cry for months, and that’s no way to deal with a problem or an issue. Also, as a Christian, I felt that being too over emotional was almost me silently declaring that GOD wasn’t good enough to look after me and also that my faith was weak. I used to tell myself all the time there was no need to cry because somewhere, someone else is suffering more. Although this is a true statement, it doesn’t make the pain I’m feeling any less painful! Recently I saw this quote on twitter and it completely liberated me:

"Jesus knew lazarus would rise again.

Still he wept. Because embracing pain is not negating faith.

Its actually part of being in the likeness of GOD.

So have hope but don’t deny your emotions.

Pay attention to them, feel what you feel and enjoy the coming resurrection,"

I hope you enjoy the new layout and coming content which I'll be posting every Sunday morning. I can’t wait to see where this journey takes us but I've already promised myself I'm going to enjoy every minute of it...BIG or small.